After living in Boston for four years, I have come to realize that there are some parts of the city I will never understand. For instance: how to get to the airport from Boston when you are unable to go East on any I-90 or any other Airport-Bound highway (yes, I know there are other ways, but it boggles the mind that this blindingly obvious option isn't one of them), a certain area around Symphony where I routinely get turned around and find myself at Northeastern without explanation, and that inexplicable No-Man's Land between Government Center and The Waterfront. But the most mystifying locale of them all is Harvard Square.
For your reference, here is a map of Harvard Square:
In Boston there are two expressions which I feel are apt to mention. The first is, "Ya can't get thea from hea" and second, the classic tourist incantation meant to evoke the Boston accent at its most pronounced: "Pahk the Cah in Hahvahd Yahd."
When I first moved to Boston, my idea of a square was defined entirely by European squares. See Florence. I imagined a big giant square, with a statue in the middle, and some streets coming off of it in every direction. Even New York City Squares, which are often a blend of a park and a traditional Square, resemble and can be reasonably defined as Squares. The first time I arrived in Central Square, here in Cambridge, I stumbled out onto Mass Ave and thought to myself, "The Square must be near here somewhere." Little did I know that "Square" is just a term they use in Boston for large and usually complicated intersections. It doesn't describe anything about the physical properties of the place. Harvard Square, of all the Squares, is the most Square-like, though it is not square at all and the only "Square" part about it is a park and that park happens to be triangular.
It must be fairly standard around the world that Squares are hard to navigate, especially by car, however Harvard is impossible. I have traveled through Harvard in all manners: By T, by bus, on bike, by car, on foot. I have gotten lost — lost — trying to wind my way through the mess on more occasions than I can count. If I am not utterly confused trying to find someplace I am going, I get lost going back, or as is more often the case: Sometimes I know exactly where I need to be in relation to where I am, but I have no idea what I need to do to get there.
The difficulty of navigating this clusterfuck is so absurd that it can actually be broken up into categories, which I have outlined below.
THE BUS
I don't know for sure how many busses swing through Harvard Square, but it is probably one of the biggest hubs in Boston. The busses that go through Harvard travel to most, if not all, of the surrounding cities in every direction. Off the top of my head I can think of busses I've taken in Harvard that get you to Brookline, Allston, Belmont, Boston, Roxbury/Dorchester, all main points in Cambridge, Somerville, even Medford and Arlington. There are four routes within 5 blocks of my apartment which can take me to Harvard Square. This is pretty useful. If you're a Harvard student. Or if you just like shopping at over-expensive, over-crowded, unoriginal department stores.
My main complaint about all this is that the busses don't just come into, say, the T station. ALL busses are at different locations in Harvard Square and often drop off in a different place than they pick up. This confuses EVERYONE. In fact, I tried to explain to someone how to get to the #66 bus one time when the bus stop was closed for some reason and they got angry, confused, and wandered away in the wrong direction to wait for a bus that was never going to come. I felt bad for them, I tried to help, I sympathsized with their plight… but I knew they were beyond help when they stubbornly insisted on waiting for the bus next to the sign that said no busses were going to come.
Let us revisit the map for a moment:
Here, I have circled all of the places in Harvard Square where you can catch the bus. Now, please note that these bus stops are not just lots of different little cute pit stops in Harvard for all the busses, each circled stop is a location for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUS.
On the top right you can pick up the following busses:
#1, #68, #69
On the left:
#66, #86
In the station:
#77, #96, #74, #75, #76...
At Eliot Street, there are several others and that random stop at Brattle St, even more.
I probably didn't even get that right, but that is exactly the issue. NONE of these bus stops are clearly marked. You just have to know where the fuck they are and that's all you have going for you.
Some are marked in the T station itself, if you are taking a transfer from the red line. There are a number of busses which go through the T station and some T exits which lead to busses, but even within the station, not all busses are mentioned. You can be wandering around the Square for a good hour trying to find the bus you need to take before you find a sign that just happens to mention it. Beyond the scattered street locations, the two (or more?) underground bus platforms are on completely different sides of the station and there are long, windy concourses which lead to them.
The confusion above ground you can at least explain away, "Oh, you know, once this city was for horses and the mentally unbalanced, so that is why it must be this way," but underground, it is simply inexcusable. Someone ignorant to Boston and it's infathomably stupid public transportation situation would never find their way around. Certainly, not without asking and even then, half the people in Harvard Square don't know where the hell they are either.
Which, of course, leads me to...
THE T
The Harvard Red Line is just different than the other stations. It has a strange echo late at night, the trains come in on two levels up or down a sloping ramp. It's all fine up until that point. The real trouble with this station are the exits.
There are many, many exits and entrances to the Harvard T. You see them above ground and you are like, "Great! I don't have to walk in the cold any longer!" You walk down these stairs, up that slope, around a corner or eight, and bam, you're there. Somehow, the opposite is not so easy. There are some exits in the Harvard T station that are so effectively hidden they are often only accidentally found. Discerning which exit will lead you where requires an unbound knowledge of the area and regular practice.
The Harvard T is also misleading because the trains seem like they are closer than they actually are once you enter the gates. You might hear one come in, but you will not likely catch it. And, even though the Red Line is world's better than the Green Line, sometimes it feelsl ike the train is driving to Medford and back between Central and Harvard Square. WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG? Nobody knows. But you're usually better off walking. It's faster.
WALKING
Now, you would assume that a place unconquerable by vehicles and public transportation would be much easier to understand on foot, but Harvard Square is not. It simply defies all logic. There have been times where I am actually READING A MAP, trying to find something in Harvard, and I end up in a dark alleyway that I have NEVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. There are stores and restaurants and parts of Harvard University scattered all over the place. Even the Coop has two different locations that aren't really connected to each other, but yet are half a block apart. I always find myself walking into the wrong one.
The good thing about this is that there are a lot of small little nooks and crannies that you never knew existed (such as the Zine library), but the negative is that when you are looking for someplace specific — your guess is as good as mine. Even returning to someplace that you have been before is difficult. I believe that Harvard Square is much like Diagon Alley in Harry Potter. Some streets only appear at certain times. You know, when they're necessary.
ON BIKE, OR WORSE.
No, you can't Pahk the Cah in Hahvahd Yahd. In fact, good luck trying to get your car into Harvard Yard if you wanted to. I ride my bicycle through there sometimes and it's tight. Apparently there's a statue whose foot tourists kiss and Harvard students urinate on.
There is a free garage that rarely has spaces, but if you are coming from Central Square, you can't get over there, or if you can, I haven't figured out how. Same goes for the parking next to Harvard Common. It seems you can only access this free parking if you come at Harvard Square from the North. It's for Northern travelers ONLY. The reason for this is because from that angle of Mass Ave, you can't cross the Square, and trying to "go around the block" to get there seems to lead you in a big ginormous circle to exactly where you began. What discrimination! Now, I don't drive on the regular so maybe this is part of the problem, but getting to the other side of the square when you are one side whether on bike or in a car is a task beyond me. Mass Ave, the main connecting route between all the "main" spots in Cambridge, Boston, and beyond (Arlington on one end, Dorchester on the other) splits in half and no route properly compensates for this. It's easy enough to just breeze through if you aren't sticking around (follow the signs and cross your fingers), but to actually get someplace SPECIFIC within a mile radius of the Square itself… Good freakin' luck.
Even the Mass Ave busses are split up because of this. One of them covers the Southern route, the other the Northern. Currently, I work in Porter Square. It is a mere stone's throw away from Harvard, where I take a yoga class on Mass Ave towards Central Square. The problem with this location is that from where I work, it is very difficult to get to my Yoga class easily. From Central, it's just a quick walk, bike, or bus ride straight up Mass Ave. From Porter, I don't usually have the time to walk so I take the bus, the T, or my bike.
Now, because of the location of the studio, the easiest way to get there would be to follow Mass Ave, but even on bike, this is tricky. I have yet to figure out how a car would even approach getting to this location from the Northern side if they dared to. Usually what ends up happening is I either ride the wrong way down a bunch of one ways through the Square, or I get off my bike and walk. It's a good 5-10 mintue walk! Now if only the Mass Ave bus could get me there from work, my problem would be solved, but… IT CAN'T. Because the Northern Mass Ave Bus (Bus #77) goes to Harvard Station and stops. And the #1 doesn't even drive by that way when going the other direction.
Just. WHY.
Oh, and I just need to state. Contrary to popular belief among Harvard Students and apparently tourists, people who are not Harvard students DO NOT WANT WISH DREAM OR PRETEND TO BE HARVARD STUDENTS. At all. Just thought I'd put that out there.